Ch-ch-changes!

Often when we prepare ourselves for a transition, we look at many viewpoints. Recently, I had set my heart on moving out of state to try something new and to find myself. In fact, I'd even packed bags and boxes and was ready to fly out soon. Then, this nagging voice inside of me asked that question "Have you finished up all that you needed to do?"--I hadn't. It was true.

There were doctors' appointments, birthday surprises, being around to sign documents, and other such matters that warranted sticking around for a while. As I stayed though, something occurred to me. This city had been my home for a very long time. It's just nostalgia, I thought---I shrugged it off and told myself that I was doing what I want. But what I want wasn't the same as what was best for me. I'd heard nothing from the job market out of state for a few weeks, even using the local address there.

What was wrong, I wondered. The apartments I'd looked at were gone, snatched up before I'd even had a chance to respond to the property managers. I was worried. But a risk was a risk, right? Then all of a sudden, jobs I'd previously wanted or auditions I was looking at were becoming available. I took this to be a sign. I'm a believer in signs. I'm also a believer in practicality. Practicality is in staying here in my home town, saving money while pursuing this now that I have money saved. While I don't begrudge any risk-takers (brave folk) who go for it full-force, it's also not in my best interest right now.

If I left town, I'd be looking for work and then work that helps me in paying rent. I'd be rather busy. I wouldn't be paying attention to my writing projects. I wouldn't be auditioning. I wouldn't be spending time with family and friends---circles I am already part of! I would be stuck. Wasn't that the whole point of leaving town? I was trying to feel unstuck. I left my job for that reason. I enjoyed working where I was. It's not that I didn't. I felt though that my path was taking me elsewhere. That part of my life had to change. But it didn't need to be a change of scenery. I feel that I owe it to myself to give my city a chance first. Nothing is set in stone. It doesn't have to be.

I am writing daily, even working on a paper that compares Eastern religious philosophy (Hinduism in particular) and early religious cultures around the East. I've been researching for a while now and am about to do more. I'm also hard at work at a romance novel...dun dun dun...you heard me right! And I am working on a project that was inspired by Mindy Kaling. It's a bit of looking at life from the point-of-view of the NRI (non-resident Indian by the way) making her way through a home on the other side of her birth home. What is that like? What does it mean to have a hyphenated identity such as Indian-American? Speaking of identity, it has taken me nearly sixteen years---perhaps twenty---to finally feel like the identity crisis is over. I'm looking at myself as an observer would, and I see a person who is fulfilled and joyful---grateful for the life she's been given---and is going to continue living. Wherever this life and this path takes me, carpe diem! I am so thankful and happy.